The Salad Incident

The Salad Incident is the common name for the incident happened just after the death King James I of Ireland on 2060.

Antecedents
King James I of Ireland died on 2060 of a heart attack, though he had been ill for quite some time. While other nations, such as the Kinami Republic, mourned his loss, Carthage unofficially called the late king “fat.” Eire automatically classified Carthage as “hostile threat” in the Irish diplomatic scale. The Ulstronian Empire followed soon after calling the dead king “fat as a load of cowshit.” Zirit declares the king as “a threat to his own metabolism.”

The Incident
The actual incident occurred in King James I of Ireland’s funeral, when a Carthaginian diplomat placed a salad in King James’s casket. Chaos ensued. While other countries joined “The Salad Movement” and the Carthaginian Ambassador declared it was “worth it LMAO,” the Ulstronian Emperor chooses to mourn the death of the Irish king by giving $30M to salad bars across the country. The Carthaginian Ambassador was sentenced to 25 years in prison but strangely disappeared on his way to prison. He was later found dead in the shores of Carthage with a note pinned to his chest saying “Maybe he coulda run faster if he had eaten a salad.” the Ulstronian emperor condemned the supposed execution of the ambassador, declaring it as a “crime against humanity” on national TV while eating a salad. He also declares a national mourning day in which free salad was given to every person in the empire to eat “while  happily singing the Ulstronian National Anthem with an Irish accent.” Ziritians follow through declaring that only salad could be eaten “on this sad day.” The Carthaginian High Lord declares the anniversary of King James’ death to become International Burger Day. Many nations follow him, including Ulstronia and Zirit.

An Irish citizen attempts to kill the King of Carthage in the head while shouting “Tiocfaidh ar la, Up the Monarchy,” but fails. The Irish Government denies any relation with the incident. In retaliation, the Carthage King sent all citizens of Carthage with Irish lineage to the Sahara dessert, claiming that “all the food they’ll get will be salads, with no potatoes tho.” Moreover, all Irish people would be denied entrance into Carthage. Ireland decides to enter in total isolation, deporting foreigners and closing all embassies, as well as reducing chances for foreign ships to exit Irish waters. All 260000 people in Ulstronia considered “Irish enough to be irish” were sent to harsh labor camps, fed with nothing but salad with the occasional meat and cheese. The Irish government declares all foreigners that trespass Irish borders to be condemned to death. In retaliation, the Zirit Confederation declares that all Irish people found on Zirit “will be put in an empty care package and dropped in the middle of the ocean.” A few days later, the Ulstronian Air Force drops thousands of massive condoms labeled “medium” in order to “demonstrate that the Ulstronian People have much greater, uh... you know... than the Irish people.” All embassies from any countries are shut in Eire and all Eire embassies are shut throughout the world. The heir, King James II, declares that he “doesn’t care that the Irish are being verbally attacked” and that he’d “rather fortify it’s home islands.” Sixty Ulstronian planes were shot down after violating Eire’s airspace. Eire decides to go on full-blown national lockdown declaring that “they have tried, but the king was defaced and slandered on” and that “it is clear that no one wants Eire to exist so they will do their hardest to go unnoticed.” The Zirit Confederation decides to expel any Irish people into the Ulstronian empire “because yes.”

Following the claims of the Kinami Republic about “having done nothing wrong,” Kinami citizens living in Eire are given free travel back home and communication between the two countries restarts. The Ulstronian Empire begin executing any Irish sent by the Zirit Confederation, and Zirit stops sending them to Ulstronian, sending them instead to to Carthage, where they were accepted with a salad. Eire begins fortifying its military “after seeing cruel treatement in other nations to Irish people.” The Ulstronian Empire decides to de-escalate and abolishes all concentration camps.

Consequences
The Worldwide Irish begin forming into the New Irish Republican Brotherhood to invade the kingdom and restore a Republic to Eire while the Irish Government plays heavily on militarism and nationalism to brainwash the Irish population into believing that foreigners are evil and coming to destroy them. This soon results in the Brotherhood invading the Irish Kingdom, and a Republic is restored.